I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
