if i can run in heels then i can drive
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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