I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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