Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
