My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
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