just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Randomize
