What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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