And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
