I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
