I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize