Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
