Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize