My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
