***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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