If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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