just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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