exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize