So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I currently don't understand fingers.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
