just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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