Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
