Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
