who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
he laminated a picture of his dick.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Randomize
