she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
