I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
