Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
two words: eviction party
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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