do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
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