WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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