Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize