I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
