If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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