i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
