hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
