How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
