we have officially lost it.
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
