um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
