Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
