I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
