I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
