i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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