Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
