at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
