Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
