is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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