Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize