tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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