well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
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