11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
