I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
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