After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
We just shotgunned beers for America
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
