I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
We need a shit load of segways right now
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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