3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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