God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
