i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
