I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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