...so i touched it.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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