Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
