I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
