I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
The power of my boobs compel you
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
