Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
