chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
