I look better un-naked...
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
