no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Randomize
