i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
