she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
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