I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
