I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
