you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
