well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
