did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
