Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
