Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
