He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I need a beard to bite.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
