In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
