return my video game
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
