dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I am never drinking with the goths again.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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