fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize
