I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
