i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
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