the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
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